I survived!!
Yep, and I’m here to tell the tale.
Survived what? Well, when I actually write it down you might not think it’s that big a deal. But my head made it into a MASSIVE deal before hand, so yeah, anyway….
I went back to uni today for my exam after being at home for over a week! I was so worried about going back – I was scared to see my "friend", M from halls. I was worrying about whether I should stay the weekend or come back home in the evening. Obviously I was nervous about the exam. I was anxious about what people thought of me for not being there over the last week. I was convinced that everyone hated me. I believed I was a horrible person. I decided that all my other friends who I feel much more comfortable with couldn't possibly like me either.
Irrational much? Well I certainly didn’t think so because I barely slept a wink last night from worrying ha!
Me and M have had a fairly topsy-turvy relationship over the year. We were really close to start with, and got on well. Then things started to go down hill when I felt she was being very abrupt and arsey with me. I was convinced she didn’t like me and would rather join the big group of girls that there is in our halls. (looking back on it I think it was BECAUSE we were close she felt she could let down her happy-go-lucky mask and be stressy with me)....So I basically became more distant with her and everyone really. I retreated into my shell and isolated myself. Well that’s when anorexia really reared his ugly head because I wasn’t feeling good about myself….and we all know what happens when HE takes a hold don’t we?
There was no way in hell I could socialise and be my new happy, jolly self with him dragging me down, so I backed off more --> hence a downward cycle of negativityness!
Then Easter came, and in a nutshell I went home, sorted myself out with a lot of help from my darling mama and got back on track. I hadn’t seen M since then cos last week she was on hols. So this was our first meeting in like 5 weeks. WELL I have to say even with my negative Nancy brain looking for every tiny bad thing that happened I honestly can’t say it was awkward or bad or anything. We were both really chatty and had plenty to talk about so all was good :) Gaahhhh all that worrying for nowt!
Everyone else in halls seemed pretty pleased to see me, and LOADS of peeps are going home this weekend so I don’t have to worry about them thinking I’m being antisocial revising at home for my next exam.
Oh and I think the exam went pretty well… but my hand aches now haha! It’s got out of the habit of having to write solidly for a whole hour and a half :p
What things that are a little bit of a worry does your head make completely out of proportion and from a molehill into a mountain? Mine are all to with friends, social situations and people not liking me!
Love, love xxxx
2 comments:
Don't worry - I get stressed over the tiniest things! (especailly when I get my hair cut, as last time it ended up being one side longer than the other!)
I can see what you mean about worying about your friend though and the situation between you two. I haven't stayed in my uni halls for ages (even though I'm still paying for it!) and was a bit worried when I saw some of my flat mates around the campus.
They were totally lovely though and it was like I had been living there 24/7 still. It was such a relief as I'm living in with them next year agian too. I think that we think that people will not like us for not being there or something or the relationships won't be as close. But we've got to remember that friends like us for us, not matter what's been happening to us!
(Hope that made even a little bit of sense)
Have a lovely weekend xxx
Thanks for stopping by my blog :)
I'm glad your return to uni went well and that there was nothing to stress over! I was interviewing for jobs lately and used to stress so much over them and totally over prepare by going over every single question I could possibly be asked. Usually they didn't even ask me any of them!
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