Crutches

When things are hard and you're struggling do you have 'crutches' that you can go to that are positive in making you feel better?

Negative Crutches:
In the past if I'm feeling bad or criticizing myself about something that feels too stressful and too hard to deal with, I've learnt to immediately wash over the thoughts and think about things that seem more manageable and easy to solve.
In my case this was weight,food and exercise. If I was consumed with these 'issues' I could distract myself from the real problems. The bigger the real life problem, or the longer I had to put off thinking about it for, the bigger the food 'issues' had to become to cover them up...

... And soon I was so obsessed with not allowing the 'huge', 'terrifying' everyday problems affect me because they were far too difficult for someone as rubbish as me to deal with. Therefore my life became entirely preoccupied with counting calories. It wasn't until this got too a dangerous level and people intervened and helpe me that I realised just how wrongly wired my thinking patterns had become. And it wasn't until even more recently that I've started to notice how negative and sef-critical I am.

In fact my therapist said the other day that if I could channel some of the amazing talent I have to hate and disapprove myself, into loving myself I could be so so happy!

Basically my head re-wired itsef to think the folowing process:
Some event in my life goes wrongly or not quite perfectly

1. It was me who caused the problem or made the mistake
   
2. I am clumsy/ inconsiderate/ nasty/ selfish/ ....... I am not good enough


3. Everyone hates me


4. I am a rubbish / horrible person


5. I hate myself


6. I am fat


7. I would be more bearable as a person if I was thinner


8. I need to lose weight

Looking at it now I see how ridiculous it is, ..... but the good thing is I think I know what to do about it!!

New thoughts:

• Some event doesn't go quite to plan

1. I might have caused the problem or it may be a misunderstanding between me and others


2. Everyone makes mistakes/ disagrees with people / gets nervous about the future


3. I am good at alot of things, I'm just finding this certain thing hard


4. I CAN resolve the problem or resolve it in my head or COPE with it the way it is


5. I am an ok person who is liked and loved by lots of people


6. Things through or talking about them with others makes them seem alot less of a big deal

I guess I'm slowly finding ways to cope that are much more healthy and good for me.

I love my posters that I made in therapy and they're up on my wall at uni so I can have a quick glance at them from time to time!

And I have affirmation cards in my purse :)

Anyway, that's enough wittering for one day! It's back to the revision for me :( yes, I have been procrastinating by writing this and reading blogs, but meh, too bad!

Love Amz xxx