To start with I CHOSE not to go swimming this morning, even though training is on on a thurs. I just didn't feel in the mood, and I knew I was going to have quite a busy day anyway so there was no point getting up really early and tiring myself out!
I went to see K my therapist and had a stressful journey in - basically cos I'm just quite disorganised! i left 'on time' for if there had been no traffic but there were loads of roadworks, and halfway there i realised i didn't have enough change for the parking metre. So basically I started stressing and panicking! i decided to risk paying only an hour of parking and hoped for the best! luckily all was fine and i was only a few mins late back after all!
The session was really useful, and in it we decided what my target weight should be, and it's a fair bit higher than what I've agreed to in the past haha! but at least it will def be healthy this time, and reduce my risk of relapsing. The number she gave me in a way seems really scary cos it's quite a bit above my comfort zone, but also it makes the idea of weigh gain and eating more a whole lot easier cos I know Ive got a way to go yet, so I can eat properly and not fear going over my target too quickly.
We also looked at a formulation for how my core beliefs and dysfunctional thinking come about which i found amazingly useful and enlightening because it makes total sense and I can now see that I'm not such a freak for having such weird-ass thoughts!
Then I rushed off to b'stoke to meet my extra special amazing friend that I've known from treatment. even though the age difference between us is quite big, it doesn't matter one jot cos we get on really well, and have similar senses of humour and love for all things cute and fluffy lol.
We had a day of pure indulgence - shopping, lunch, more shopping, coffee, oh and a hell of alot of chatting :~)
Lunch was a bit of a challenge cos I had no idea where we gonna go, but we ended up going to the Debenhams cafe and I had a large bowl of tomato soup and a crusty white roll. I'm quite pleased cos it was a totally spontaneous decision, AND it was out of my comfort zone of lunch having to be a sandwich.
Later I really had to battle with my ed thoughts when we tried some clothes on. L tried a skirt on in size x that fit her beautifully. She is at her maintenance weight and has no need to gain any more. I tried on some jeans in the next size up and they fit fine (but snugly) for now but I knew if I gained any more that they would be too tight. Ed was shouting at me that i OBVIOUSLY don't need to gain more if this size is a tight fit now..... but Amy came to her senses and argued him right back down! I know L is very petite (i.e. 6 inches shorter than me) so clothes are bound to fit her differently. Plus I don't need to compare myself to others, I need to do what's right for me!! I'm so glad I managed to get my thoughts under control and enjoy the rest of my day.
Here are a few of my purchases:
I love my owly tee :P
Love Amz xxx
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