Challenges!

Evenin!

Today has been a goodish day, altho I did get up rather late and so wasted most of the morning sunninesss whilst in bed!

I got this fb message from my bestest friend C from primary school. We don't really see each other much atm, but when we do meet up it's like we've never been apart! Anyway we are never ones to talk about deep or serious stuff so it was quite a surprise to get this:

yo dude,
Just so you know (I'm not stupid and i have known u like..... forever....) I can see/feel that u are starting to struggle a wee bit :( Just remember u can tell me anything (remember I'm nuts too, i get scared leaving my house! May not be the same as food related stuff but im not as cool, calm and collected as i may seem haha!)
Anywho, remember u does be only human (albeit an awesome one!!) and everyone has some things that they find hard, and they will come and get u when u least expect it...scary....:(
Anyway....just remember you can ALWAYS tell me anything. I DO understand, and i like to think i know you quite well.
Remember u are strong enough to keep these things at
bay, just remember everything they taught u at [intensive outpatient] and
go easy on yourself when u have a bad day/week/month....
Anyway, hope everything goes OK and sorry if i have offended u/gotten wrong end of stick.....i am just a wee bit worried about you...
See ya soon!

It was sooo nice of her, esp. when I know things have been tough for her recently too…..
… but it was also a bit of a reality check, cos although I know that I had relapsed a bit recently, I was utterly convinced that no one had noticed or thought anything was wrong. I talked about it with mum and she was like just cos nobody has told you that you look worse, they can all see that you’ve lost weight and also retreated into yourself more.

So hopefully next time I see C she’ll be able to see an improvement in how I look and how I act too! It’s made me even more determined to recover!!

This avo me and mum went shopping and it was like THE perfect afternoon – sunshine, shopping, Starbucks…um…. (I can’t think of anymore ‘S’ words to add to the list!)
I bought this awesome bowl from Whittards – it was in the sale :) and I also tried their free sample of Pink Lemonade tea. To be honest I can’t really see how it is ‘tea’ apart from you can drink it hot if you like, it was more like squash. But it was really yummy. Unfortunately my stupid stupid brain stopped me from buying any cos I just HAD to look at the nutritional label (doh!)

We also went to this really cute little bead shop – it’s AMAZING! Just box after box of like every bead imaginable. I bought a charm bracelet and a few charms to add on to it. I’ll post a piccy when I’ve actually put them on!

Back to what I was actually gonna post about: I want to set myself some challenges because it’s all very well keep on talking about how much I want to get better, but a very different thing actually DOing it!

Goals for now:
* Keep up full meal plan of 3 meals plus 2 snacks a day
Eat something extra before bed if I’m still hungry and know that I won’t sleep well
* Change up my meal times, like have my evening snack slightly earlier than my ‘rules’ allow, or eat lunch before 1 o’clock
* Change my eve snack up a bit – bran flakes and milk is soo last year!
* Be able to use ANY cutlery/ crockery for a meal – I seriously thought I’d got over this obsession but I’ve noticed more OCDness creeping back in, like I have to use the ‘right’ mug, or the ‘ right’ teaspoons (!)
* Ooh and that reminds me of another: It is NOT normal to eat breakfast with a teaspoon. SORT IT OUT AMY!!
* My last one for now is to seriously reduce the amount of artificial sweeteners I consume. They can’t be doing my health much good! I’ve already cut out diet coke and other diet drinks because now I’m eating properly I don’t feel the need to fill up on bubbles! I’ve also got rid of the lite yogs that are full of aspartame and replaced it with Greek yog and honey (aawww, reminds me so much of my amazing Crete hols last year :) ). So my next goals are, to try for no sweeteners in my coffee, and cut down on the sugar free ribena (I am seriously addicted to the stuff!)

Well I think that’s deffo enough for now – I don’t want to overload! But I know these are achievable aims that I won’t beat myself up about if it takes time to get them sorted.
Here’s proof of the ‘less of the old bran flakes’ goal:

In my new snazzy bowl (which I will NOT get obsessive over using!) Porridge, with semi-skimmed milk and sugar – this is new for me… I’ve never been a porridge fan but as my tastes have change so much over the last few years I decided to give it another go…. I must say it was surprisingly good, although it def needed the crunch from the sugar so I’ll think about what else I can add to give it more texture.

Ciao for now
Amy xxx