Well after the last few days/ weeks of real positivity, today came as a bit of a shocker tbh. Although I have to say, a part of me knew the high I was on couldn’t last out forever, and at some point things had to come crashing down.
Maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement? I think I’m being a tad melodramatic here! After all, everyone has bad days sometimes, and there doesn’t always have to be a reason for it.
This morning me and mum went Summer Ball dress shopping….. maybe I should have realised this was gonna be a hard thing to do before we left, but I guess after how easy I found shopping for jeans the other day (yep I got a pair!!) I was hoping for another success.
Anyway, to cut a long story short my anorexia got very triggered by the whole shopping experience and me and the mother ended up having a pretty big row. This is unheard of in our relationship because people in my family don’t like conflict!
After a lot of trailing round in the rain from shop to shop, wearing a face like thunder, I eventually found a dress that I liked and that fitted (thank goodness!) so it ended on a reasonably good note.
This is it. It's from M Butterfly.
This afternoon I received some bad news about a family friend, which definitely scared the **** out of me, but I have my fingers crossed for him.
Then a few more minor negativities occurred but things seemed to be looking up when I explained to my mum that I thought one of my worries at the moment is the fear of going back to uni for my last exam and the summer ball. I am so sure no one will want anything to do with me and will hate me for having been so antisocial over the last few weeks, and these thoughts are getting me down right now.
Phew! Something off my chest… but wait, next thing I know my mum is in floods of tears, gaaah. Why? Because she hates seeing me so down, and dreading something that she is sure will be fine when I get there. Now I feel like I can't open up to her about my worries for fear of upsetting her.
AAAAAHH by this point in the day I was ready to scream haha! But I kept my cool. We had a good chat, sorted stuff out and moved on! Luckily, just in time to watch…. ‘Over the Rainbow’ – they’re looking for Dorothy for the West End Wizard of Oz.I am in love with this show!! It’s sooo cheesey but awesome!
Sorry for all the negativity today. But onto a lighter subject - foooood!
I'm trying to increase my calories this week after the scales decided not to budge. But I also want to add more proteins and fats to make my diet more balanced and (hopefully) keep me feeling fuller for longer.
One of my shnackems: Greek yoghurt with a yummy fruit and nut mix thing on top, plus a sprinkle of sugar
Check this out! not lemon curd, but JAFFA ORANGE curd! *faints*
Eee this mess looks disgusting but it was divine: porridge with chocolate chips and tsp orange curd. It tasted EXACTLY like Terry's chocolate orange!
That's all for now me dears, but firstly:
Any easy ideas on how to add more protein and/or fats in? suggestions would be much appreciated! :)
(by the way I really don't like eggs in any shape or form - apart from cakes where you can't taste them! and peanut butter is a definite hate!)
Tomorrow is a new day!
xxxx
3 comments:
That picture is so apt! life is such a roller coaster! but we gotta buckle up and enjoy the ride, because seriously, who doesnt like rollercoasters!
Good fats and protein?coming into summer, adding avocado to lovely warm chicken and pinenut salad can be so good! nuts/seeds are yum in porridge or on salads(espically when toasted). Adding olive oil is a gerat healthy fat. Quinoa is a yummy source of carbohydrate but its also very high in protein (its like a much yummier version of couscous and cooked the same way).
Your dress is so pretty" enojoy the ball.
xxxx
Maybe EVOO as a dressing for salads? That's good for fats. How do you like actual whole nuts? I get addicted to them and always eat more than I intended but they're soooo goood. Macadamias + Almonds + Brazilnuts + pecans gah! For protein? Do you eat meat? You could try chicken or lean steak which aren't total diet freak outs but still provide good nutrients. Dairy is good too. Good job having the Greek yoghurt with nuts, that probably ticked all the right boxes.
Sorry about the fight with your mum but isn't everyone supposed to fight with their parents? It's a child's moral duty! I know how you feel about not being able to open up for fear of upsetting her but is there anyone else you could talk to? Maybe talk your issues out with them then ask them how is the best way to approach your mum over the subject. Ok so that couldn't have really worked with the dress shopping but it's a suggestion! Hope your summer is something to look forward to. I love the dress!
xx
Absoloutely love the dress by the way! I know you're going to have an amazing time a tthe ball - so you in your 3rd year at uni?
How about baked beans for protein or milk? Just have a massive bowl of your faveourite cereal with loads of milk (plus it's got fat in it too, and calcium!) Have you ever tried Jordan's Country Crisp or Crunchy Nut Chocolate Clusters? Trust me you will die when you try them!
Hopefully things will be ok with your mum. I tried to not tell her a lot at the start for fear of upsetting her - but now she likes me to talk it out to her
xxx
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